


A Week in December

by TeamGwenee



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas fic, F/M, fake dating au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 06:13:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12953085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamGwenee/pseuds/TeamGwenee
Summary: In which Jaime and Brienne accidentally get married. They don't protest too much, to be honest.





	A Week in December

**Day 0**

“No, absolutely not,”

“Come on Bri-Bri kins,” Tyrion pleaded, batting his eyelashes, “For us?”

Jaime nuzzled his head against Brienne's shoulder. “Please, please, _please?_ You wouldn't send your poor, defenceless friends into the dragon's pit alone would you? Not with their father baying for their blood,”

“It's your fault you two got arrested. No one forced you to start a fight with the Starks,”

Tyrion waved a dismissive hand. “Details, details,”

“Will you come act as backup for us or not?” Jaime asked.

“I will not,”

**Day 1**

Brienne stared at the suitcases she found waiting for her as she opened the door. She had left work early in order to be ready to leave that evening. Now she saw she needn't have bothered.

“You packed?” she asked her room mates.

“We have!” Jaime declared triumphantly. Tyrion nodded, sipping a glass of wine.

Brienne opened her wardrobe doors to check if anything she wanted was left unpacked. There was. All of it, in fact.

“Jaime, why are all of my things still in my wardrobe,”

“Ah,” Jaime said, joining her, “Early Christmas present. We got you some new things to wear to my dad's,”

“Why?” Brienne demanded.

“Because if I had it my way, on Fireworks night we would have been burning your clothes, not a bonfire,” he patted her elbow and moved swiftly away. Brienne stared after him, dumbfounded.

“Should I be offended?” she asked Tyrion.

Tyrion shrugged. “Probably,”

“So I should wear my own things?”

Tyrion grimaced and shuddered in disgust. “Oh, God no! There's a dress and shoes on your bed, make sure you wear them,”

**Day 2**

They joined the family at dinner the next night. Cousins and aunts and uncles all blended into one blonde, green eyed mass. Brienne stuttered through introductions and wobbled in her heels, the only shoes Jaime and Tyrion thought to pack for her.

Sitting at dinner with a dozen acid green eyes staring poison at her, Brienne found herself glugging down glass after glass of wine. She was desperate the rid herself of the dry feeling in her mouth and to cool her flushed cheeks.

One withering look from Tywin Lannister did that. She felt ice flood into her veins at the merest glance from him. Though that might have been because six glasses of wine had her giggling and snorting into her soup.

Jaime certainly thought so, for he was dragging Brienne away from her table. He ignored her pouts and whines, and insistently carted her off to bed, even though they hadn't even served dessert.

**Day 3**

“I heard you took your _friend_ to her bedroom last night,” Tywin informed Jaime coolly.

Jaime gulped. His eyes flickered back and forth as he searched for an explanation. Brienne, total lightweight that she was, had been utterly pissed. He couldn't let Tywin know just how plastered Brienne had been, so he made an excuse and together with Tyrion they made their escape.

Brienne could not speak without slurring and kept running her hands through his beard. In the end Jaime held Brienne up as Tyrion slipped her shoes off. They then dragged Brienne to her bedroom and deposited her safely on her bed. This done, Jaime thought it better to stay lest Brienne accidentally choked on her own vomit.

“You took your friend to her bedroom, and then stayed with her all night?” Tywin continued.

“I did?” Jaime confirmed.

Tywin leant forward and pressed his hands against his desk. “Why?”

Jaime's eyes widened. Why was he in Brienne's room, why was he in Brienne's room? What would Jaime possibly have to in Brienne's room?

“We were having sex!” he blurted out, “She's my girlfriend,”

Jaime shuddered as Tywin's eyes flared up in triumph.

**Day 4**

People kept coming up to Brienne and asking when she and Jaime had first started dating. She was about to correct them when she spotted Jaime shaking his head frantically. She trailed off and stormed up to her apparent 'boyfriend'.

“Why the hell does your family think we're dating?” she demanded.

“Well,” Jaime explained, rubbing the back of his neck, “It might be because I told my father that we're dating, and it seems he has told everyone else,”

“Why the fuck did you tell him that?”

“He found out I was in your room last night. Was I to tell him that you were so smashed you were threatening to skinny dip in the family pool?” he saw Brienne still looked furious. He squeezed her arm comfortingly, “Look, just go with it. It's only a few more days,”

Brienne huffed and threw up her hands. “Fine,” she promised, “But no more lies!”

“No more lies,” Jaime promised.

**Day 5**

The next day, Jaime told everyone he and Brienne were engaged.

It wasn't his fault, not really. Cersei and her boorish boyfriend had turned up and Cersei had thought it fit to insult Jaime's 'new girlfriend'. Considering that Robert was a fat drunk who kept calling Cersei Lyanna when he was too drunk to tell her apart from his ex-girlfriend, and begged her to dye her hair black when he was, Jaime thought that was pretty rich.

Conversation had dissolved into a shouting match between the twins.

“Robert is CEO of Baratheon Enterprises, and has a net worth of five hundred million gold dragons,”

“Brienne is the most honourable, kindest young woman in the whole world,”

“Robert spoils me rotten! He brought me a diamond bracelet and a Mercedes,”

“Brienne listens to me, she's the best thing that has ever happened to me,”

“Robert and I are going to the Southern Isles in the New Year!”

“Brienne and I are getting married!”

**Day 6**

Tyrion streaked naked across the grounds and invited a bunch of prostitutes to have a party in the family jacuzzi. This somewhat took the heat off Brienne and Jaime for a day (hence the fifty dragon note Jaime slid into Tyrion's hand afterwards.)

**Day 7**

Selwyn turned up the next day. Tywin invited him for Christmas to 'discuss the wedding'. On seeing Brienne he engulfed her in a bone crushing hug. Placing a gasping Brienne back to the ground and moved onto Jaime, hugging him and thanking him. All the while, he blubbed and sobbed. He shook Jaime's hand in his own meaty fist, squeezing Jaime's fingers.

“I am so happy,” he wailed, “I thought I would never see my little girl get married,”

“Dad,” Brienne rebuked Selwyn gently, “People are watching,”

He didn't hear her, instead he wrapped an arm round both Brienne and Jaime's shoulders and kept on talking.

“Ever since Hyle Hunt dumped you on your birthday, I thought you would never find love again. Especially after Renly turned out to be gay and you refused to give that nice Tormund boy a go. I know he was a bit strange and wanted you to wear a bear costume in bed, but he really did like you-”

“Dad!” Brienne protested, trying to shut him up.

“So, when is the big day?” Cersei cut in.

“Umm...” Brienne stuttered, looking frantically at Jaime for help.

“Oh dear, don't you have one yet. I'd have thought you'd want to tie Jaime down quick, else you really will have to give that bear fucker a go,” Cersei sneered.

“No!” Brienne snapped, “We're getting married on December 23rd,”

“You are?” Cersei asked.

“You are?” Selwyn cried in delight.

“We are?” Jaime hissed.

“December 23rd. But that is only a few weeks away,” Tywin pointed out.

Jaime shook his head, pale and confused. “That's alright father, we only want a small ceremony,”

**Day 23**

“New Years Eve resolution,” Jaime whispered to Brienne, “No more lying,”

Brienne looked out over the hall from where she sat at the great table. Jaime sat beside her, looking very handsome in his designer tuxedo. She felt rather like a cream pastry in her wedding dress.

Their 'small ceremony' turned out to be a full on Lannister extravaganza, with a live orchestra and three hour long service in the family sept. They had just sat down for a seven course, gourmet meal, and Brienne and Jaime were still trying to figure out exactly how they had reached this point.

“At least our father's are happy,” Brienne said miserably, “For however long that will last. When are we going to get divorced,”

Jaime shrugged, “When either one of us wants to move out I guess, no point doing any otherwise until then,” he turned to Brienne with a sarcastic grin, “Who knows, maybe we should give this marriage lark a go,”

Brienne scoffed, “Oh, I think not,”

**Day 365**

“I don't understand how you can expect us to take the heat off you,” Brienne informed Tyrion as she and Jaime stood before him, “And even if I did, I won't. It was trying to do exactly that which started this whole mess,”

“Mess?” Jaime repeated, “I wouldn't call our marriage a 'mess',” he wrapped his arm round Brienne's waist and rested his head on Brienne's shoulder.

“So you'll help me Jaime?” Tyrion asked hopefully.

“Fuck no,” Jaime said bluntly, “You eloped with a prostitute, how do you expect us to take the heat off _that?_ ”

“I'm sure you could think of something,”

“Like what?” Brienne demanded, “Telling Tywin I'm pregnant?”

“You're what?”

Jaime and Brienne spun round to find Tywin and Selwyn staring at them, twin looks of delight spreading across their faces. Tywin drew himself up tall as Selwyn began blubbing again.

“At last, an heir,” Tywin said.

“I'm going to be a Granddaddy!” Selwyn wailed.

**Day 1**

Jaime stared at the pile of baby clothes and cots and toys. He swung his arm round Brienne's shoulder.

“We have got to stop doing this,” he said decisively, “We have go to stop getting into this shit,”

Brienne looked despondently at her glass of orange juice. She wished Tywin had not ordered the kitchen staff to cut off her alcohol supply (spending the year as a Lannister had vastly improved her alcohol tolerance.)

“Agreed,” she murmured, “I don't know how I'm going to tell dad I'm not pregnant,”

“Well,” Jaime pondered, “There is another option,”

Brienne looked to see a leer on her husband's face. His hand slid down her breast and into her pants.

She smiled and shrugged. “Oh go on. It's worth a shot,”

 


End file.
